CHARLES DUKE: Most people think "astronauting" was a pretty easy deal. You were launched and on your way to fame and fortune. However, fame was fleeting for us as astronauts. I have never been recognized. Nobody's ever come up to me on an airplane and said, "I know you, you walked on the moon!" Any time I was on television, I had my spacesuit on.

It seems like yesterday because it was such an adventure, and it was such a great moment to me. I did not join the program for fame or fortune, but because of the thrill of adventure, and I was an explorer. As a young fighter pilot and test pilot, the greatest adventure I could have, and the best job I could have, was being an astronaut.

I was always trying to aim high: for the top job, the best job. I worked hard at that. When I came out of test pilot school, I got selected and went down to NASA. There were about 50 of us in the space program. You can imagine the competition, because there were only 30-something places, and some weren't going to make it.

The 60Ős were a stressful time. President Kennedy had put a special time limit on us to land on the moon by the end of the 1960s. And about 1967, little over a year after I got there, three men were killed in a spacecraft fire, four were killed in an airplane accident, and one in an automobile accident. I went to eight funerals of astronauts in 18 months.

Being an astronaut creates a lot of stress on your marriage. We worked 60 to 70 hours a week. We trained for three years for our mission. The whole purpose of going to the moon was to pick up rocks so there was a lot of training in geology.

April 16, 1973, we climbed on board, and were off a few hours later on an 11-day mission. The gang and I were in our little spacecraft, sitting up on the top of the Saturn rocket that was 360 feet tall and 33 feet long, and weighed six and a half million pounds.

We lifted off and held on because it was shaking like crazy from side to side. We circled the earth one and a half times at 100 miles per hour. As we got up over Australia, we accelerated to escape velocity, 25,000 miles an hour. We were on our way to the moon.

A few moments later we turned our spaceship around. As we were in a weightless condition, we floated over to the windows. As we looked out the window, it was the most awesomely beautiful sight I have ever seen, sixteen thousand miles away was the whole circle of the earth. We could see all of North America and the Arctic Circle. Although, I didn't know much Scripture, I found out later that in the Book of Job, it says, "When God made the earth, He hug it upon nothing." And that's exactly what it looks like. It's just hung in the blackness of space.

There were no secrets. Having different personalities, we sort of suppressed those argumentative parts. We learned to eat together, and we learned to go to sleep at the same time. Sleeping in space was a little unique. You'd fold arms and you'd close your eyes, and you'd wait until your head would nod off. You just floated around.

We made it to the moon, and on the fourth day John Young and I landed on the place on the moon called Descartes, right in the middle of the full moon, in the left cheek of the man in the moon. As I landed on the moon, I'd never been so excited in my life. The surface was covered with dust, very fine like powder. I was counting off the altitude, and finally the light came on. I said, "Time's up." We shut the engine down. John and I just erupted. I was so excited that I was just like a little five-year old at Christmas.

It was a very hostile environment, but we felt right at home, like we belonged. We felt secure in our suits. It was awesome to be there. We stayed three days picking up rocks and exploring in our little car. There's no atmosphere on the moon; air temperature could get up to 245 degrees. Down here with my suit on, I weighed 362 pounds, but on the Moon, only 60 pounds.

After 11 days, we returned to a Hero's Welcome. We went to the White House and to Congress. There were parades all over the country. I was proud to be an American.

It was not a spiritual experience for me. I did not come back feeling closer to God. It was just an adventure. I'd had an adventure, and I had reached the top. It was a great feeling for a while, and then after about six months the thought occurred to me, "Well, you're 36 years old. What are you going to do now with the rest of your life?" Apollo was over.

I began to get frustrated even though I'd had this great adventure. There was a sense of discontent, and no peace in my life. I knew that it was important to have goals and to strive. So I began to search. I looked back on my life, and had experienced success at everything I had ever touched. In the eyes of the world people looked at me and said, "Man, he's got it made." But I wasn't doing to hot as a husband and a father. I didn't know what to do about that.

Dottie and I had married in 1963. We had two sons. What began as a wonderful marriage slowly unraveled. Once the moon flights were over instead of getting better, it got worse. By 1975 I had a wife who was in despair with thoughts of suicide. We had everything that the world says we need for happiness, but we didn't have peace in our home. We had no spiritual roots; we had nothing to hold onto when times got tough.

DOTTIE DUKE: It might seem strange that a woman married to a famous astronaut, with two healthy children, cars, and all the material things in life, could be so depressed. In fact, so depressed that she was really seriously considering suicide. But that's where I was in 1975. Because my goal in life had not come true. I was looking forward, as a young girl, to growing up and finding my Prince Charming and living happily ever after. I thought that I would have the perfect marriage, and have him fulfill all of my needs, and I would fulfill all his needs.

So, when I met Charlie and he proposed to me, I said, "Charlie, I'm going to put you first in my life. Will you put me first in your life?" And he said that he would, and so we got married. But as soon as we got back from our honeymoon, I realized that I was not first in his life. His job was first. His career. When he was in graduate school I thought, "Well, as soon as he finishes school, then things will get better, and I'll be first in his life." Well, after that we went to Test Pilot school. Airplanes were first in his life. I thought, "Well, maybe I'll just court him again. I'll get him to love me the way I need to be loved." I tried to do everything I knew how-- from the romantic things to the nagging to the crying to everything-- trying to get him to love me the way that I wanted to be loved.

When he was selected to be in the Astronaut Program, I thought, "Well, I'll be a patriotic American, and I'm proud of him. So, we'll just put our marriage on hold, and my dream in life, until he gets back from the moon. Surely after he's had this wonderful flight and this wonderful achievement, then we'll be able to work on our marriage. I'll have the marriage that I want."

When he returned from the Moon, I was so overjoyed. But immediately I realized, he hasn't changed at all! "Well, I'll just divorce him and I'll find somebody else who will love me the way that I want to be loved." I began to look at the men and the marriages around me, and I thought, "Maybe there's not such a thing as a perfect marriage. Maybe I really won't be able to find a man that can love me the way that I want to be loved." My dream of a perfect marriage began to die. And I began to search to find the answer to life: why was I here, and what was going to bring me the fulfillment, the happiness and the love that I needed in life.

I tried a career, marijuana, social work, and church work. But, I was still lonely. I was still seeking love. I still couldn't find the real purpose and fulfillment in life that I was seeking. So, I began to think, "Well, you know, maybe there isn't an answer to life! Maybe life is a big joke. Maybe we just live and we die. If that's all there is to life, and it's so very painful--why live any longer?" I was considering suicide.

Well, at this time the church that we were attending brought in some guests speakers for a special weekend. Now, my religion at this time was, "Love One Another." I believed that all religions were the same. I believed that Jesus was no different from Mohammed or Buddha or all the other religious leaders. I wasn't even sure that God existed. Maybe God's just a fairytale, too, and He's just a crutch."

The guests were just regular people, not preachers. They talked about having prayers answered. I thought, "I don't think I've ever had a prayer answered." I did pray the day that Charlie went to the moon. But, when Charlie came back, I thought that Charlie was smart, and NASA was smart and that's what brought him back.

They said that God is the answer to life. They said that Jesus is the Son of God, and that He brought them peace, the fulfillment and love that they were seeking. They did have a peace and a love and a joy that I didn't have. So, I began to wonder, "Are these people telling the truth? Is it really true? Is the Bible really true?"

So, I decided to try God and to see if it was true. That weekend I prayed, "God, I don't know if you're real, and Jesus I don't know if you're the Son of God. But I've made a mess of my life. If you're real, then I give you my life, and if you're not real, then I want to die." I saw this really as my last chance for fulfillment in life.

Well, the next morning when I woke up I can't say I felt any different, but I had made a commitment to find out if it was true. So I began to talk to God in a very simple way, just little prayers around the house. After a while a prayer was answered, and I thought, "Well, that's just a coincidence that that one happened." I prayed for more, and another prayer was answered, and I thought, "Well, it's just lucky that that happened." But I kept praying, and the prayers kept being answered.

Then it really hit me, "This is real. God is real! He is hearing me. He loves me. He is answering my prayers. He wants to me to talk to Him, and go to Him, and He loves me!" And I thought, "Oh, I'm not alone anymore, I'm not alone! Even though my husband doesn't love me, God loves me!" It was the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that I wasn't alone, and that God was real and He really loved me.

I began to ask his help specifically in our marriage. He began to put the thoughts in my mind, "I have forgiven you for all your past life. It is now all washed clean. You are starting life brand new." What a wonderful thing to be able to start life brand new. And He said, "Dottie, now you must forgive Charlie in the same way that I have forgiven you." I knew that God had forgiven me. But I said, "No. No way. I do not want to forgive Charlie. He doesn't think he's done anything wrong; he's never asked me to forgive him. He thinks he's perfect. So, I don't want to forgive him."

And then God spoke to me again, not audibly, and He said, "Dottie, if you've made me your Lord, it means you do what I want you to do, instead of what you want to do." And so I said, "Okay. I don't want to forgive him. He doesn't deserve to be forgiven, but You are commanding me to forgive him. So I will because you are my Lord."

I asked God to help me. There was no way humanly that I could have forgiven Charlie. My list of grievances was too long. But God took all that away. He removed all of the unforgiveness, all of the bitterness and all of the pain. It didn't happen overnight. It took time. He showed me that I was the one being hurt by my unforgiveness, not my husband. So, then God started saying, "Now, I want you to love Charlie. I want you to love him the same way I love you." I began to ask God to help me to love Charlie. My love for Charlie had been conditional. I would love him so he would love me back. God was calling me to love him unconditionally whether he loved me back or not.

God began to fill me with his love, and teach me, and enable me to love Charlie unconditionally. Sometimes I fail. I go to the Lord and say, "Lord forgive me, I didn't love Charlie today like I was supposed to. Help me so tomorrow I can love him the way you want me to love him." And God in his goodness, graciousness, and mercy forgives me and enables me to follow Him.

I was looking to Charlie for fulfillment and for love that no human being could give me. Only God can give us that. Jesus will really give us the love and fulfillment and purpose that we all want and need.

CHARLES: For Dottie, life began to change in 1975. I took my eyes off the moon and put them on money. We left the space program and went to the San Antonio area, where I became a beer distributor. It was very financially rewarding. But I found that I was still as frustrated as ever.

Dottie questioned whether I should be in the beer business. She said, "Did you do what God wants you to do?" I said, "Well, I guess so." I'd never seen God in my life, but I'd seen her change and things were really a lot nicer at home.

She wanted to know if I prayed and asked God. I said, "Well, I really don't know how to do that. Why don't you pray?" So she said a very simple prayer from her heart, "Lord, if you want Charlie in the beer business give him peace in his life. If you don't want him in the beer business make it so miserable that he sells out." It got worse and worse on the inside, but the money got better and better. Six months later I sold the business.

In April of 1978 I went to a Bible study. I was not really searching for God. But I like history, and this was going to be a historical look at the Middle East. So I decided it might be interesting. But when I got there, I was challenged with the question, "Who is Jesus?" I'd never really thought about this man, Jesus.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)" That's either true or it's a lie. Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No man comes to God except through me. (John 14:6)" That's either true, or it's a lie. Turmoil was going on in me that weekend as I was trying to decide whether I would believe it and follow it, or I'd walk away. I realized that God would never interfere if I chose to walk away. It was my choice.

After the weekend was over, I looked over at Dottie and I said, "Darling, there's no doubt in my heart that Jesus really was the Son of God and I give Him my life." A peace began. And I can't tell you how I knew, but I knew that this was real. My priorities were me, my job, my family and then God. So I asked God to help me to get my priorities straight, and God began to speak to me about my marriage.

And I said, "Lord, take away my roving eye. Give me a love for my wife and teach me how to love her as you love me." I asked Dottie to forgive me. She already had. I experienced Gods forgiveness also.

My mistake was that we live in a no fault society in America. It's always somebody else's fault. You know, I was perfect. But God didn't see it that way. And I began to ask God to help me to change.

A few months after this Bible study weekend, we prayed and said, "Lord, we put you first in our marriage, first in our home, first in our family, and first in our business, whatever that may be. Let the future unfold." And God began to work. The more we followed God, the more we became real in our lives. God began to heal the tension and problems in our marriage.

That was fifteen and a half years ago. We grow more and more in love each day. She's my best friend, my wife. God made me deal with family, my kids. I'd been a very domineering father. I was like a military drill sergeant. My love for my boys was strong but what I was trying to do was to make them perfect. Instead of making them perfect, I was driving them away. They could never please me enough.

I was reading the Bible, the book of Proverbs, one day and God spoke to my heart, saying, "You have the power of life and death in your tongue." I wept, and I asked God to forgive me. I went to the boys, and they said, "That's okay, dad." We began to build a relationship that's now strong after 15 years. God has restored that relationship. I began to build with words of life and words of encouragement for my kids, and now they're both successful young men.

My journey with God has not always been a bed of roses, but Jesus has been there day-by-day, moment-by-moment. I work diligently in my businesses to the honor God. I've discovered there's nothing wrong with money. I was looking to it for my satisfaction, and I was disappointed. God doesn't hate money, but He hates the love of money. In the trials and troubles of business, God has been there.

I used to say that I could never have another adventure as great as walking on the moon, if I lived 10,000 years. I don't feel that anymore. I'm still an adventurer; I still like to fly. God hasn't changed that part of me. But I know now that the adventure in my life is walking with the Son of God, Jesus Christ. The moonwalk is gone; it lasted three days. But my journey with God is forever.

Fifteen years ago, on the front seat of my car, I prayed a simple prayer asking Jesus to come into my life. I have never regretted my decision to follow Christ. He has given me a life filled with love, joy, and the peace of God that only He can provide.

Dottie Duke, a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, co-authored Moonwalker with her husband, a biographical sketch of Charlie's life. Charlie and Dottie have been married for over 30 years and have two sons.